I Still

Anindita Putri T
Chapter #9

past - another night had changed

💜💜💜

 

I still remember the exam days made us grow apart. You’re so busy, so am I. The thing that I feared the most has finally happened. Graduation. There’s a bitter sweetness for that one word. I finally changed my uniform, met new friends, and probably had new experiences. But the probability of us separating our ways is bigger than any impossible thing that could happen in this world.


...

 

I still remember we had this promise to go to the same high school back in first grade. I remember you asked me during our movie night, maybe 20 minutes before the movie starts.

“Have you thought about which high school you want to go to?” you asked

“I barely got any good score on math, let alone a high school. “I laughed.

“No, I'm serious. My dad told me to plan for everything from the start, so you’ll be fully prepared when the time comes.” a short awkward pause, “let’s go to the same high school together!” Then you mentioned one prestigious high school, the hardest one to get in.

“I’m not in your league, okay. I don’t want to spend my time studying for something I knew I couldn’t even dare to dream.”

“That’s why we’re studying buddy right now! C’mon I need to be with someone I know on my first days! You can do this, okay?”

“Fine, but if I failed and you made it, you’re going to take it. I don’t accept any no.”

“Yes, ma’am and thank you so much!” then you laughed.

“Thanking me for what? You’re the one who helped me study!” I said, stating the fact.

“I don’t know. For being my friend?”

“Okay, mate.” Then the movie starts.

I remember the next day I told my mom I want to go to that high school, the one that is filled only with super smart students. My mom never made fun of it, she only told me to study harder since she’s aware how hard it is to make it there. 

“I bet your movie buddy is going there too?” she asked me.

“He’s the one who proposed the idea, mom. He said that it’s easier for him to be with someone he already knew on the first day.”

“He must be so smart, then.” asked her.

“He’s a total dork, mom. You won’t believe how good his scores are! I got goosebumps every time I read his score report.”

“You found a nice friend, then.”

 

 

Later I know, he’s more than a friend. Mom, I like him more than just a friend.

💜💜💜

 

I still remember during our holidays, no school, no homework, just days off and high school entrance exam preparation. I haven’t met you since the last day of the exam, it was 4 days ago. You’re quite busy with your preparation, so we couldn’t even make a phone call, let alone a meet up. We haven’t really had a long talk after that sudden confession I made during our extra class. Just a casual ‘hi’, ‘morning’, and me asking you to call my best friend out of the class. I kind of regret it now, I shouldn’t have said a word about it. I was so inconsistent. 

But suddenly, my phone rings, a text message.

“You busy?” It was you.

Believe me, I need to hold the urge of calling you right away and scolding you, for any excuses I could find.

“Yeah, busy reading comics and fangirling over Afgan, why?” I replied.

Then you called.

“WHY ARE YOU NOT STUDYING?”

The old you are back, finally.

“Give me a break, dude. I finally had the longest break I’ve ever had these past 3 years.”

“You got a point there,” a pause, “how are you? Doing good?”

That’s so not you, but I decided to follow your flow anyway.

“Doing well, how are you? Did you make it to that school?”

“Uh yeah about that … Yes, I made it there.” but you sound disappointed.

Uh yeah??? What’s with that “uh yeah”??? Congratulations!”

“But you didn’t. We promised, right?”

There’s a long silence there. It was so heavy I remember I was so speechless I couldn’t say a word.

“I’ve told you before, the standard was too high for me to reach. But you still remember the promise, huh? I thought you forgot it already.”

“I forgot nothing.” your tone changed, again. Like that one night you’re upset because I was calling with my best friend ignoring your 12 calls.

“Hey … um can we talk again later? My mom is calling and I’m pretty sure it's urgent?”

I lied. No one is calling. I’m home alone, my parents are out visiting our relatives. I just want to end the conversation, I’m not ready for where this conversation will take us.

“Okay then. By the way, you haven’t told me about your entrance test!”

Oh no not that.

“I’ll … tell you later. Bye!” Then I hung up.

 

💜💜💜

 

I still remember how mixed my feelings are when I’m about to tell you that we’re not going to see each other any time soon. The day that my dad told me that I have to move and live with my aunt in another city, continue my study there and probably live there for the indefinite time, I feel so angry, sad, and furious because I don’t want to be separated with my friends, especially you, I mean the chance of you meeting your old friends is higher when you’re living in a same city with them. But I also feel so happy, because I’ve been asking my dad to send me to go and live with my aunt and take care of her, since she’s an unmarried woman in her late 40s. He promised to find me a great school, since some of his friends and my mom’s relatives are there, and they’re happy to help. An hour has passed since your last call, I know you’re not going to call me soon enough since all you know was I’m helping my mom with whatever she was doing. While I’m recollecting myself and my bravery, making myself calm before I told you, my phone rings, it’s a text message. I don’t know why I should be so nervous since we’re nobody but just friends, but here I am feeling all butterflies raging inside me.

“Can I call you now? Are you finished?”

I took a 5 minutes gap just, so you know I’m not here, holding my phone so tight while contemplating.

“Yeah, I just finished.” I replied.

Then my phone rings. 

“Hello, are you really sure you’re done?”

“Yeah she’s asking me to help her with something around the kitchen.” I lied, of course.

“Okay then.”

“Okay.”

Then another awkward pause just like when we don’t know what to say anymore in every phone calls we had, then it ends with a ‘good night, see you tomorrow at school’, but it won’t happen any longer.

“So, about the school. Are you going somewhere near your house?” you’re finally breaking the ice.

“Yeah about that …” I’m letting out a heavy sigh. Too loud that you can hear it.

“What’s up with the sigh,” you laughed, “as if you’re going abroad just to study there and eat bread instead of rice every meal time.”

“I can’t even pass the school you’re going to, let alone going abroad and study math in another language, silly. But the whole sentence is right except for the abroad and the bread part.”

“What do you mean?” you chuckled.

“Stop acting stupid, okay.”

“You’re moving? Where? When?”

“Yeah, maybe next month, I’ll live with my aunt and try to get into one school nearby. She’s in her late 40s and I guess it’s time for me to take care of her.”

“So, you won’t be here by next month?”

“Yeah.”

Then another awkward pause.

“So, it means we can't, like, accidentally meet up somewhere here?” you asked, hesitantly.

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